Writing as Therapy ("I shall eviscerate you in fiction" Chaucer; A Knight's Tale)

 Writing as Therapy

"I shall eviscerate you in fiction" Chaucer; A Knight's Tale

One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies (because Paul Bettany's 'Chaucer' was legendary) and today, today when I finally feel I have my life back, this quote resonates even more powerfully. I'm ready to take control again. I'm ready to begin laying the past to rest, to stop permitting myself to walk naked, and stop giving in to the needs of others before my own. "You need to be selfish in order to be selfless," somebody recently said to me, and this is true. "A man who can't swim can't save a drowning man."  

And sometimes, it takes more courage to say no than to say yes.

Meanwhile, what does this have to do with writing and, more specifically, Chaucer's quote? Fair question.

I've always been a believer in 'discretion being the better part of valor'. Instead of fighting or being reduced to pointless counter-argument, I've stood down and waited for the dust to settle, (even while every fiber of my being might resonate with fury at the injustice of it all), and for whatever the situation might be to eventually resolve itself. I'm a negotiator, a typical Libra, seeking peace instead of war. Not anymore! I'm done bending my knee before false allegations and turning my face to take the slaps of being held to ransom by my goodwill. And if I can't go at it face-to-face, I can clear my anger and resentment the best way I know how; in writing. 

Perhaps (in fact, most likely), the antagonists about whom I write will never read what I've written and, if they do, they'll never realize it's them I've written about. That's okay. That's perfectly fine. I don't give a rat's. I'll know and I'll feel better for knowing. I will feel purged. I will feel cleansed. I will feel I've taken the battle directly to the source and stood firm against my adversary. 

And that's what counts.

It's often been said that writers insert themselves into their stories to represent their own heroes/ heroines (protagonists, for those who prefer neutral terminology). If that's true (and it probably is) then it stands to reason antagonists must also have their source from the writer's real world. Not all the specific details, in the same way the protagonist's specific characteristics are only representative of the writer, but the emotional and psychological characteristics and the impact these have on the protagonist. In the stories we write, we have an opportunity to eviscerate our enemies and our past and to live our greatest hopes, dreams, and ambitions. 

"You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting." A Knight's Tale. 

I'm done permitting others to take advantage of me. Sure, perhaps I'm sounding more self-pitying than cynical right now. Not my intent. What I am is, I believe the term is, righteously indignant. I've hit that place beyond which there's no return, that lowest place, that hardest place, the rock wall, the cliff, the edge of the abyss. You get what I'm trying to say, right? Whatever. I have my back to the final edge and I'm turning to fight, the only way I feel safe doing so. The honorable way.

The era of the horse and the lance may well be behind us but the era of the written word never left. I'm wielding my mighty pen (okay, it's a keyboard) and I'm riding my warhorse (slightly decrepit, no longer entirely comfortable, and definitely not ergonomic) office wheelie-chair into battle. Come along for the ride or wait behind the castle walls. It's fine. I'm writing. And I'm free.