Darkness Falls (Tai)


Darkness Falls

By Tai


Why is it so easy to gravitate to darkness? Why do we feel drawn more easily to the shades than to the light? Why do we concede to the elements of the Dark but struggle to fight for the gifts of the Light?

I speak for myself.

Some days are harder than others. Some days, the voices in my head overwhelm me and instead of permitting me to live free, they suffocate me and confine me and bring me to my knees. Not every day. Some days.

Most days, the voices I live with force me to stand and fight. They give me courage where I have none and they drown out the ones that insist I’m worthless or expendable.

Most days.

Not every day.

Life is struggle and it wouldn’t accomplish anything for us if it wasn’t. I write from my struggle. Every tear, every drop of blood, every wound both external and internal, feeds the characters in my pages; their stories, their lives. How often are we asked, “If you could go back and start your life over, what would you change?” My life is mostly a blur of broken memories and shards of nightmare. And yet, would I change even a moment?

No.

Why? Because each of those moments validates my existence. I survived. I learned to stand and fight. I do my best to help others do the same, to champion those equally or more broken than I. I know I can’t walk completely free of the veil because, in a way, it’s a peculiar comfort and I embrace it. It is solace in darkness, even when the darkness wishes to consume me.

Why is that? Why do we who have lived to escape our pain at the same time permit it to accompany us? While on the one hand we might take drastic measures to leave it behind, to release our burdens and free ourselves, somehow those webs which entangle us and fetter us to the past remain. I look back and monsters shift in the shadows, no matter how much light I cast into the night.

The answer lies in the voices.

No matter how great the struggle, no matter how deep the abyss, I’m grateful for the voices I’ve been granted. I’m grateful for the stories which flow through me from a source beyond me and I wouldn’t have survived this long without the gift of words to release the demons within.

Darkness falls and I with it but out of darkness comes always the light and a new day brings both renewed life and renewed hope. If we fall to darkness, it need not consume us. Instead, it can soothe us and renew us, just as does the deepest of nights.

If I walk hand in hand with darkness, I am nevertheless bound to light.









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