Four-by-four upside the head (Tai)

Four-by-four upside the head

By Tai

There’s a saying, or more of a parable, perhaps, by which I define many of my own personal life-changing moments. I’m not entirely sure where it came from or who to attribute it to but it doesn’t matter. It’s not mine. I simply choose to own it.

When the Universe wishes to get your attention, it begins by throwing pebbles. If the pebbles bounce off unnoticed, it throws stones. When stones don’t work, it throws rocks. When the rocks still don’t work, it hurls a boulder or two. And finally, if you’re still refusing to pay attention, it’ll smack you right upside the head with a length of four-by-four and, if you’re still standing afterward, maybe you’ll be listening then.

Of course, pebbles, stones, and rocks are generally easier to acknowledge in hindsight. That I should have seen it coming revelation we have afterward. But when we’re truly self-aware and honest, it becomes easier and easier to catch things at the pebble-phase, when we acknowledge that gut-instinct that tells us there’s a course of action we should be taking, even if it’s contrary to the course of action we’re currently on. Let me give you an example.

You’re in a good job, as in, it’s secure, you’ve worked there for years, the pay is alright and the conditions are at least bearable. BUT, you’ve been thinking lately about how you’re not really happy anymore. You’re beginning to struggle to get out of bed and get enthused about going to work and the day drags more than you ever recall it doing. In fact, you’re getting to ten in the morning and wondering how the hell it isn’t the hour before clock-out! (This is the pebble-phase).

Small, seemingly insignificant things begin to go wrong. The boss is irritable, a couple of co-workers have chosen to resign and head off onto other paths, you’re making mistakes AND you’re beginning to think about things you could and would rather be doing instead; the path you didn’t take, the career you’d rather have. Perhaps you’ve seen advertisements appearing for applications to college or night classes or careers you never thought you’d be interested in but which now somehow catch your eye. (Stones; pay attention!)

Something reasonably dramatic may happen at this point. Maybe you get sick or injured and are required to take time off work, during which time your mind wanders and you begin to think how much you dread returning. Maybe you’re shifted within your work environment and you aren’t at all happy about the transfer. And then, an opportunity beckons, somewhere in your peripheral vision. You begin thinking about how tempting that opportunity is though, at the same time, you’re telling yourself it’s foolish and risky and you’d be better off staying safe, even though you’re unhappy. There is a time limit on the opportunity. You have to make a decision. (Boulder!)

Finally, the moment has come. You’re either procrastinating or you’re turning away with a deep sigh and telling yourself you simply can’t. You’re afraid and you’re justifying your hesitation with all the logic that permits you to keep on keeping on even though you’re unhappy. At this point, because you’re hesitating, you can expect that length of four-by-four upside the head. Maybe you’ll be demoted after a run-in with head office. Maybe you’ll be hit with some other external crisis. Maybe that ‘what if?’ suddenly begins to flash in neon lights in your head.

But the bottom line will be that now you’re teetering on the edge of the precipice with two choices: retreat, or leap!

If you retreat, that’s it, the moment has passed. The Universe will throw up its arms with a great sigh and say, ‘I tried, idiot,’ and leave you to wallowing in the situation you refuse to leave. There’s only so much it can, or will, do to help you on your journey.

If you choose to leap, however, expect to fly. It may not happen immediately and it rarely goes quite the way you might have hoped or anticipated but you will, nevertheless, fly. Courage and faith will always have a reward.

Now, most of the time, we don’t acknowledge the pebbles and the Universe doesn’t progress any further in attempting to guide us on a new path. We have to show at least some acknowledgment, where we stop, for even a moment, to consider our options. THAT is the moment we’ve been struck by the first pebble. That one moment where we begin to ask ourselves, ‘What if?’ If we can catch that moment and pursue why it appeared and what it means for us, we might well spare ourselves all the reminders we might otherwise receive afterward. Why go through a bombardment of Universal projectiles if we don’t have to? All we have to do is listen and pay attention and have the courage to follow through.

The above example? Is mine. I did that. (It’s by no means the first time, but it was probably the most life-defining of recent years so that’s the one I’m offering).

At the time the intrusion of the Universe began, I was living an incredibly hectic, high-pressure life. I was a solo-parent with three nearly-adult children. I had a semi-urban house on a very large section and there were six besides myself in residence, including boarders and my semi-autistic foster-brother. I had a leasehold block of land and five horses some distance from home. There were dogs and cats, and poultry, and rescue animals; we had a Skua (a large seabird) and a sheep, both of whom thought they were dogs, at one time. I had extensive gardens and did all the cooking, gardening, household maintenance, and management of the horses and lease-land. As well as hold down a career as a Corrections Officer at a prison nearly an hour's drive from home.

And this while also writing what would turn out to be my first published novel and through my mental health issues that I was struggling to manage.

There’s no need to go into detail about life as it was. Suffice it to say, it was crazy! The relevant detail is the ‘smack upside the head with a length of four-by-four’ which preceded the ‘lemming off a cliff’ decision which followed.

My smack upside the head was shoulder surgery and being off work for a substantial amount of time afterward. By the time I was physically ready to return, I realized just how much I didn’t want to. I was literally shaking the day I put my uniform back on and was unable to get out the door, my anxiety had reached crisis levels. There were two choices: Increase medications and push through or make an alternate decision. I made the alternate decision. I applied for Medical Discharge for Work-related stress, quit my job, sold my house and let go my lease, sold up everything I couldn’t pack into a 20-foot shipping container (not including the animals, of course!) and moved to a small rural town on the opposite side of the island to take up writing. I effectively retired.

Best decision I ever made, although it took a little while to gain traction.

A little over five years on and I’m working on the release of my third novel. I have a ‘presence’ I never imagined I’d have and my life has achieved a complete 180. I listened and the Universe blessed me. I now try to keep my ears open!

I’m not saying that all ‘smacks upside the head’ require such drastic responses. This was MY experience and it ended well for me. What I’m saying is that if you have the courage to listen and to act, you won’t be disappointed. Some journey adjustments are minor and require no more than a pebble. But every once in a while, there are potentially life-defining moments and these are the times where what we experience will depend entirely on how we choose to respond.

We are all beautiful ribbons in the tapestry of the Universe but what part we play in that tapestry is still going to be entirely up to us and the choices we make.