Quit? Never! ( Tai)

 

Quit? Never!

By Tai

We all have those moments, don’t we? Where we wonder if any of it’s worth the effort and the pain? Maybe not. Maybe it’s only we broken few who periodically teeter on the edge. Consider me shrugs. I regularly have phases in my life where the alternate reality in my mind holds far greater appeal than the harsh reality of the real world, to the extent I struggle to differentiate the one from the other.

I almost quit. Writing, that is. Not life. I’m long past quitting on that and I’ll continue to fight to the bitter end, but writing? Yes, I’ve considered it.

As if I ever could.

Hiatus. It ended up being a reasonably (to my mind) prolonged hiatus. It felt like an eternity, as if I might never be able to get word to the page again, and it very nearly broke me all over again. There were many reasons. The past catching up, the voices in my head arguing for space and negotiating a peace treaty and, in and above all that, major changes occurring in my real-time life.

All things eventually pass. Floods ebb. Things broken are rebuilt. Winter turns to Spring. And determination wins over apathy. I look at what I’ve somehow managed to accomplish despite all the ups and downs and grant myself the right to pat myself on the back and say, ‘You did well.’

I’m not going to make a list. It’s moot anyway. They’re MY achievements, relevant to me and not to anyone else. The point is that we find our reasons to fight and win, for ourselves, and then anything is possible. We don’t quit. We raise our fists and fight on. The battle never truly ends but the successes multiply and every fight becomes less a mountain than a hummock.

There's an oft-repeated saying, or maybe more of a catch-cry, "One shot." You only have one shot at winning, at success, at getting it right. One shot and let it pass you by and that's it, it's all over. 

I call bull shit! Yes, I'm all about take the opportunities presented to you and if you don't you may well miss that particular train but, as long as you're willing to chase it or look for an alternative, until the bitter end, the chances remain open to you.

My ribbon-bound partner pointed out to me recently the relevance of the kangaroo and the emu on the Australian coat-of-arms: they can only move forwards, and not back! Learn something new every day and, given my Muse is an Australian and the Aussies are our neighbors, I feel I missed something of importance there. That particular gap in my education has now been amended and I think how astute of our cousins. Always forwards and never back. This is how we should live. 

At the same time, because the Universe is all about throwing me in the deep end when it feels I need it, there's been a lot of recent talk, on Twitter, through NaNoWriMo, FaceBook, and any other number of mediums, about establishing routines, setting realistic goals, and striving towards the Big Picture. I've made a lot of changes already this past year but I know I still have a long way to go. Setting those goals and using routine to get there is something I'm still working on.

Like writing REGULARLY, something I struggle with. 

No promises, as if anybody but myself is likely to notice, at least to begin with, but having just had yet another 18th birthday (I've had a few, let me tell you!) I feel I'm ready to leap forwards into a new year full of new challenges and new successes.

Quit? Never! Always forwards, never back!

Fighting!