I Am The Abyss (Soldier/ The Black)

 I Am The Abyss



By Soldier/ The Black


"Be careful when you stare into the abyss because, eventually, the abyss stares back."

"I AM the abyss."
        The Devil Judge TvN K-drama 2021

Push someone long enough and hard enough and one of two things will happen: they break, or they push back. Take them to the edge of the abyss and either the abyss claims them or they claim the abyss. To claim the abyss is to become the abyss.

I'm not here to spout a tirade of pointless self-pitying nonsense. Fuck that. I don't do self-pity. Shit, I know there are people who've had it far worse. I know that, on the whole, day-by-day, I've got it good in comparison to most of the rest of the world. Every day, someplace, somehow, people suffer. Shit happens. Everywhere. 
    But choosing not to acknowledge the bad stuff doesn't mean I have to accept it if I have the power to reject it. 
    And I'm rejecting it.

I've always been a firm believer in taking responsibility for my own actions. I own my shit. Sure, I make mistakes. Who doesn't? I've had bad moments, bad days. I've said and done things in the heat of the moment that I've later regretted. And I've owned those mistakes. Without qualification. No buts. No excuses. I made the mistake, I'll fix my mistake. Because that's the right thing to do.
    That doesn't mean I should permit myself to be walked all over. That doesn't mean I deserve to be pushed. Constantly. That doesn't mean I have to accept other people's bad behavior and then forgive when they make absolutely no effort to accept their mistakes with equal lack of qualification. You do bad to me, or to the people I love and care about, and I expect you're going to apologize and make amends. Pretending it never happened doesn't make it go away. It doesn't justify or undo what you did. It makes you an arse! Period.

I have been pushed to the brink of the abyss. I've stared into its maw and faced the darkness in its depths. I have wavered and I have stumbled and wondered many a time whether I was ready to fall and never return. 
    Enough. I have chosen NOT to succumb. I have chosen NOT to submit. I'm done with people lashing out at me because I'm safe, because they feel they can use me as a foil for their angers and frustrations to then carry on as if nothing ever happened. Look at me now. I am not the same. 

I Am The Abyss!

Comments

  1. UnknownAugust 14, 2021 at 1:06 AM

    Be strong my friend. Put your efforts and energy into those around you that trust and respect your efforts

    ReplyDelete

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