Just Be You But... Who Am I? (Tai?)

 Just Be You But. . .

Who Am I?

(By Tai?)

There is so much advice circulating everywhere, in all forms of media and from all kinds of sources, to simply be yourself. What does this even mean? Don't have an answer to complex problems facing you in your everyday life? Just be yourself. Don't know how to respond to an ethical dilemma? Just be yourself. As a writer, don't know what to write or how to convey your voice to your audience? Again, just be yourself.

    That's a fabulously easy piece of advice to give. Three easy words and one easy catchphrase: Just be yourself. But, what does this mean if you have no idea who yourself even is?

I've been struggling with this very dilemma for more years than I care to count. Whose voice do I consider my own? Who of all my inner voices speaks for me on any given day or under any given circumstance? Am I speaking from my own beliefs, on behalf of others who lack a voice of their own, or under a misguided pressure to conform? Am I speaking or acting for myself or for others?

    I am notorious for avoiding conflict wherever possible. I am a negotiator first and a fighter only under the most extreme duress, and even when I do fight, it is rarely on my own behalf but most likely to be on behalf of someone else. (By the way, don't ever mess with my children, family, or close friends!)

The question remains. . . Who Am I?

I feel I'm at a point in my life where I can no longer avoid answering the question if I intend to move forward from where I'm now stale-mated. I'm standing at the train station staring at the transit board wondering which direction to take, and the longer I stand here, the less likelihood  I have of reaching the destination I finally choose. There's no such thing as standing still because, while you're standing still, everything around you moves on and leaves you further and further behind. Life is short and every day is worth far too much to risk wasting it.

Which brings me back yet again to: Who Am I? 

    What do I want? Where do I want to be? Who do I want to be with when I get there? How do I intend to get to where I want to go?

    *swears murderously* I feel like a confused teen standing at the school gates after graduation still without a clue as to where to go. . . only I'm now more than halfway to the finish line! Time is wasting.

Perhaps the way to look at it is not so much Who Am I? as Who Am I Not? I am not anybody BUT me. What I choose to do with my life, what decisions or choices I make are on me and reflect nobody but myself. Sure, there are going to be some decisions in which it's important to take other people's opinions or the consequences of my decisions with respect to other people into account. (As in, it's okay, I'm not about to abandon the responsibilities I chose to take on board and bugger off to Australia or someplace, not that I can leave the country anyway). What I'm saying is that My choices are MY choices and that has a great deal to do with MY identity.

    

Taking a moment to truly reflect on the question, I am more than just a single-faceted being as, undoubtedly, are we all. Of course, I can only truly speak for myself but, from experience, we all, to some extent or another, wear masks (and not of the virus-prevention variety although we ought to be doing that, too). I'm talking about the metaphorical masks (as opposed to hats) we wear to take us through the various situations we face day to day. For each situation, we present ourselves differently, according to the requirements of that situation. Are we defined solely by that one mask? No. We are a composite of all the faces we wear. We are many in the same space as we are one.

I am who I need to be in this moment and thus  I Am Me.